Help Me Forget {Jacob}

[Renesmee Cullen]

Tears stung at Renesmee's eyes, her foot not leaving the accelerator as she sped down the road. Her parents were at it again, bickering over God-knows-what as if only for the sake of an argument. That was the third time this week. Things had been tense since Renee died and Charlie got sick, but this was getting unbearable. She couldn't stand to be around her parents anymore, so much of her time was spent down in La Push with Jacob, where she was headed now.

Even if he didn't realize it, he was amazing at making those around him feel better. For her, simply being around him was enough to relax, get away from whatever it was that was upsetting her. Not to mention he had a damn near unsettling knack for knowing when trouble was brewing and stopping the storm in its tracks. It was a trait she was grateful for, especially lately. Her parents were encouraging her to go to college, and the dizzying amoutn of information she'd acumulated over the past few months was rather stressful. Not to mention she was worried sick about her Grandpa Charlie.

Nessie let off the gas as she reached the border of the reservation, the half-hour trip having taken all of ten minutes. If her Dad knew, he'd be furious, but Jacob wouldn't mind. He never did. Things had been the tiniest bit awkward for her around him lately. She'd never really had any guys she was majorly interested in growing up. Sure, there were the ones she thought were cute, but no one was heart doodle-inducing. With the amount of time they'd spent together since graduation, she'd noticed her thoughts turning to her best friend more often when she was falling asleep, and a faint heat creeping up her neck when he'd smile or give her a hug.

But she wasn't falling for him. No no no, don't even begin to think that. Jacob was just her friend; it'd be too weird. Sighing heavily, she slowed to a stop outside the near-to-falling-apart house that was a home away from home. Being reminded of why she was here brought more tears stinging and she nearly fell over herself getting out of the car. Trekking through the mud, she rapped on the front door quietly, hoping Jacob was home and awake.

[Jacob Black]

Jacob wasn't sure why, but he couldn't sit still at the present time. He just had this strange feeling that something wasn't quite right, and not being able to concentrate on an engine that he could fix or something of the sort didn't help. As for Billy, he was busy with Charlie. He would have gladly joined him, but honestly, his uneasy state of mind didn't allow him to be able to enjoy football and the like. As of right now, he was switching between pacing and drumming his fingers on the coffee table. He never thought that he would dare to think this, but he almost wished that the times where they had some deadly enemy around here every few months that he could help to defeat. Things were getting boring, and therefore, he was creating imaginary anxieties. Yeah, that was it.

Yeah, that's right. And pigs are gonna start flying Jake...you don't feel like this unless there's a reason, his annoying conscience reminded him. Great. Couldn't he have some peace of mind? Was that so wrong? For crying out loud, he should have just been fine and dandy, maybe hanging around with Seth and Leah (more like having fun with their faux rivalry). Yet here he was, trying to figure out why the hell he couldn't just bring a smile on his face at the moment. He pulled himself up from where he was sitting, frowning pensively. As he had thought before, he didn't feel like this unless there was a genuine reason. So what would cause him to be upset for a reason that he didn't know yet?

On cue, there was a knock on his door. He mentally sighed and thought in his most sarcastic mental tone, Maybe my answer decided to come for a visit. He nearly rolled his eyes as he headed toward the door, at a much higher speed than the average person would have been able to. He had to admit, this whole shapeshifting deal had its perks. He could do things more quickly and get things done just by getting there quicker. Besides, he couldn't say that he wasn't able to lift a car as well as a jack. That was always fun, if only a little overly cheesy superhero. At least he didn't have to wear tights. No one was going to make him do that.

With an open of the door, his sarcastic comment came true. He could read Nessie's sadness all over her face. When this first happened, he had been a little startled. Usually he was the one to visit, it had been that way since she was a baby. But apparently, the Cullen mansion wasn't the place for happiness for Reneesme Cullen at the present time. Things had been getting tense between Edward and Bella, something that a part of him was stunned over and another part felt was very overdue. After all, there were times when Jacob had felt like Bella should have been royally pissed at Edward. So now when they probably needed each other the most, they decided to finally become the local bickering couple.

"Come on in Nessie..." he said gently, stepping aside to give her room to walk in. "Were they fighting again?" he dared to ask. He knew that she needed to at least get some of it out before he could let the healing process begin. Apparently, Jacob had become something of an unpaid therapist for Nessie, something he was fine with. It was nothing new, and considering the fact that he would do just about anything for her, he had absolutely no objections.

[Renesmee Cullen]

Nessie merely nodded in response to his question as she stepped in the door, sinking into her usual spot in the left corner of the couch. Another perk, Jacob could easily guess what was bugging her, letting her just vent without needing much explanation. Sometimes it was just plain creepy, today she adored it. "I don't even begin to know what's going on this time. Usually they're pretty obvious about what's irritating them, but they kept speaking in riddles and being all vague and ... Ugh. It's just ridiculous. I mean, Charlie's so sick, and Mom's not been down there in days because of all this crap, she doesn't want to dump it on him, so she's sitting in the house being all miserable. I can't stand it!"

She rambled for awhile, ending up hunched over with her elbows on her knees and ehr forehead in her hands. Her parents had never been much for arguing, things were always realtively calm. So this sudden change of demeanor was unsettling enough as it was, without the added bonus of her Grandfather being a few steps away from knocking on Death's door, if the doctors were correct. Even Carlisle was worried, which wasn't a good sign. The head of the household was usually unnervingly confident; for him not to be put everyone on edge, her mother especially. It'd only been a little over a year since Renee died, none of them wanted to lose Charlie so soon afterward.

"I just want everything to go back to normal," Nessie sighed after a moment, rubbing her temples. "A year ago, everything was fine and we were all happy and there wasn't all this weird tension everywhere. Jasper's going nuts, no one can stand being around Mom or Dad anymore. It's so ridiculous..." She took a deep breath, the sound shaking a little as she exhaled. Good lord, Nessie, stop acting like a child, she thought irritatedly, only geting more aggrivated as a few tears welled up and over, trailing down her cheeks. Couldn't you have gotten this particular part out of your system before you got to Jake's? While she'd never admit it, she was more than a little embarrassed to be sitting there crying.

[Jacob Black]

Without a moment's thought, Jacob followed Nessie to the couch so that he could sit next to her. That was better...he was taller than her as it was. He didn't need to have his hulking appearance while he was standing up to her sitting down. That wasn't how he saw them. Honestly, they were equals. She wasn't a little girl anymore, and while many people who watched a kid grow up had issues with accepting that, he could. He almost preferred it this way, in a strange way. Besides, she probably would have rather have him right there anyway. So with a serious expression on his face, he proceeded to become the confidante that Nessie needed.

When her venting left her folded over, Jacob had to place his warm hands on her shoulders in the most comforting way he could manage. "Easy Nessie," he whispered, not wanting her to go insane over this. Then again, considering the state of things she had mentioned, he wouldn't have blamed her in the slightest. And it had been like this for how long? Then there was the fact that Charlie was seriously sick. He almost felt bad for not joining Billy because of that, to be honest, but again, there was that gut feeling going on. Considering the completely distraught woman beside him, he felt that he was more than justified. Charlie wouldn't have wanted his granddaughter to deal with this on her own.

God, now she's crying, he came to realize and without even thinking about it, he started rubbing her back. "I know, I know," he continued as she stated how she wished that things would go back to normal. He knew exactly how she felt, after all. He had to deal with severe changes before, after all, and he knew that he was sure that he'd still be wishing that things would get back to when he and Bella were just a couple of kids working on some busted motorcycles, talking and laughing. Doing what normal people did and spending time with each other and not even thinking about crazy vampires out to kill them and the fact that there was a daughter out there that would probably outlive half the people she knew.

"It's okay Nessie," he assured her, sensing a little embarrassment. He took her chin in his fingers and raised it so he could look at her. "God, I hate seeing you cry," he muttered, a little ashamed of saying it at a time like this, but it was the truth. "Look...I'm sure things will turn out okay...if you want, I'll talk to your mom. Maybe I can help."

[Renesmee Cullen]

Nessie felt a little more relaxed when the heat of Jacobs hands burned straight through to her muscles, relieving the tension she hadn't realized was there. She turned into his arms and tucked her head against his chest, the movement natural as breathing. It just ... it felt right, being nestled up against him. She couldn't really explain it. Of course, this sent the nagging thoughts in the back of her head bussing like an aggrivated nest of hornets, but she ignored them, not wanting to ruin this by being an awkward schoolgirl with her first crush.

One hand started working on her back and her breathing evened, the small, shuddering sobs subsiding. Did she have to be such a... such a girl sometimes? It was so annoying. All she'd wanted to do was come down here and vent, then go watch Jake work on a bike or something in the garage to get her mind off of it. Instead, she was curled up on his couch crying into his shoulder, feeling things she'd never felt before and more confused than when she'd first showed up. It was so frustrating. And Jacob's next move didn't help much, unfortunately.

Her cheeks burned as he tilted her chin up, her head spinning a little as her eyes met his. She sucked in a breath, hoping her heart stopped hammering. What the hell? Why was she reacting this way. It was Jacob. Not some random guy she'd bumped into in the mall or anything, Jacob. Her Jacob. So why was she going nuts? "I'm not crying anymore," Nessie muttered lamely, unable to think of anything else to say to that. Breathe. Just breathe, Nessie. You'll be fine, she thought, desperately trying to calm herself down. "Yeah, it'll all work out eventually. And no, it's fine. Please don't talk to Mom. It'll only make things worse, and she's headed for a breakdown as it is. I don't wanna give her more to stress about. You're helping enough just listening to me rant."

[Jacob Black]

Jacob hardly had to think in order to wrap his arms around Nessie when she curled up into him. This wasn't something that was unusual for them. Even when it was simply too cold outside, he would probably end up doing that. It was pretty nice, being over 100 degrees in body temperature. He was pretty sure that there was no coat out there that could fit him anyway. Still...there was some new implications in this, ever since she had gotten older. But now wasn't the time to think about the fact that he was starting to fall in love with his imprintee. She needed him to be the confidante, almost big brother type figure. So that was what he'd be.

Still, that didn't mean he didn't notice the fact that she was starting to blush, and that he didn't find it the slightest bit cute. Additionally against his good sense, he let out half a smile when she pointed out that she wasn't crying anymore. "No, I guess you're not. Which is good, because it means I'm doing my job." He nodded when Nessie insisted that he didn't need to talk to Bella...although he probably would anyway. Not about this, no. Just simply because he hadn't seen one of his oldest friends in ages and that just wasn't right. Besides, it seemed that Nessie wasn't the only Cullen that could use some cheering up. "Okay, so long as I can help...and you have every right to rant, Nessie."

[Renesmee Cullen]

Under any other circumstances, Nessie would've loved the fact that Jacob had pulled her cloer, his vice-like arms securing themselves around her middle. There was no awkwardness there, it was a purely platonic movement. Now, however, it made her the slightest bit uncomfortable. Or, rather, her thoughts did. The act itself was more than welcomed. But those damned hornets in the back of her head went nuts afterward, and she stiffened just a little. Aw, come on! she thought exasperatedly. Will you cut this out? It's ridiculous!

"You always do," she commented, smiling. This was good. If he kept talking, if the conversation kept going, she could take her mind off the thoughts that were disconcerting her. "Of course you can help, oh wise one," Nessie replied dryly, smirking. "Would I have come all the way down here if I didn't think you'd have helped? Anyway, I don't want to talk about this anymore. What were you doing before I interrupted with my issues?"

[Jacob Black]

Now there was some nagging feeling in the back of Jacob's mind again, as if there was something wrong again. Nessie was smiling again, yet he couldn't help but think that there was still something bothering her. This wouldn't have been a downside under normal circumstances. Whenever he could tell, he'd ask and fix it. This time, Nessie insisted on not talking about what she had come here for anymore. He had a feeling that it was implied that anything bothering her wasn't to be mentioned. All right. He wouldn't bite this time. Now it was time to get her mind off of things.

He smiled down at her when she let him know that he always did manage to make her feel better. That was what he was here for; making sure the center of his world was happy. He even let himself laugh when she made a quick comment and smirked. She certainly was her mother's daughter. As for her question, he shrugged. "Actually, not that much. It's been kind of boring around here. That just won't do. Crazy things happen the minute you get bored, so it was kind of a good thing you stopped by, making me make myself useful and all that."

[Renesmee Cullen]

Nessie could tell that jacob wasn't exactly comfortable with letting this drop. She knew that he knew there was something else bothering her, but she wasn't about to open that can of worms. Not yet, anyway. Maybe when she was more sure of herself. Craning her neck, she pressed her lips to his cheek like they always did, assuring him that everything was fine, that there was no need to worry. Unfortunately for her, there was. Again, the simple, usually platonic action set the hornets to attacking each other, and a few warm fuzzies developed in the pit of her stomach.

Oh for God's sake, she thought exasperatedly as she settled back into her previous position. I'm going to love my ever-loving mind. A smile formed on her lips as he explained, and she bit back a laugh. Boring? Well, they couldn't have that. Boring wasn't allowed. "Good thing indeed. For all I know, you'd have been jumping off a cliff or something. That wouldn't be fun," she replied, not realizing that the very thing had happened twelve years prior.

[Jacob Black]

Jacob had to admit that the tiny kiss from Nessie helped him relax a bit more. He felt tempted to stroke her hair a bit, but decided against it. Not that it was nothing they hadn't done before...it was simply the fact that things were different now, at least for him. For now, that kiss was enough to soothe his anxiety, for now anyway. He couldn't help but laugh at himself mentally over this. He hadn't known what it was like to feel this protective over anyone growing up, before Nessie arrived. Even with Bella, the desire to keep a person safe wasn't nearly as strong as it was for him with his imprintee. He supposed it was a way of making up for the fact that he had been the youngest in his family.

Thankfully, she started to talk again. He was going to get worried if she had remained silent for very much longer. Just remember that she isn't a baby anymore...she could deal with things on her own... his more sensible thoughts reminded him. Oh, he knew full well that Nessie was capable of taking care of herself. It was simply the fact that he was incapable of not taking care of her, even when there was really no reason to.

All the same, her comment made him wince just a bit. Too many bad memories were associated with cliffs in Jacob's mind. Bella almost dying, him having to watch her run off to Italy to save the person she was doing that for...it was pretty clear why that would be innocent comment made him a little uncomfortable. Still, he faked a laugh. "Oh yeah, I was certainly thinking of that," he retorted, his short laughs sounding very obvious in their falsehood. Nessie would know, he realized that. Damn, he thought. He hated the fact that he was unable to hide things, and also the fact that he felt the need to do so. As he had reminded himself before, Nessie could probably handle it. He just wasn't sure if it was his place to explain.

[Renesmee Cullen]

Nessie'd been rolling some things around in the silence, and maybe where this was headed wouldn't be so bad? I mean, it was Jacob. She'd known him since she was born. He knew her better than anyone, why bother with anyone else? But therein lied the problem. It was Jacob. And if things didn't work out relationship-wise, what would happen to their friendship? She wasn't about to lose him, she'd sooner die. But, could she run away from what she was discovering for long? Ugh, this was so confusing. She hated this.

And she hated when Jacob was upset. Within ten minutes, roles had switched, and now Nessie was going to be the one comforting. What had she said? "Jake? You okay?" she asked, brows knitting together in concern. Was there something about cliff diving that was bothersome? It occurred to her that perhaps her mother had done something like that when she was human, but no. Neither Jacob or her father would've allowed that. From what Nessie understood, she couldn't walk through an empty room without tripping over something, why would they let her jump off a cliff for fun?

[Jacob Black]

Just as expected, Nessie had perception that completely ruined any chances of making it seem like he was genuinely laughing. Well, he supposed that Nessie would have to find out sometime. Jacob let out a sigh and looked Nessie right in the eye. It was nice that she cared, at least. "Well..." He pursed his lips a bit, wondering how to start. "Have your parents ever told you about the time when your dad left your mom?" he asked, slightly surprised that he felt a little bit of anger upon mentioning it. It wasn't as if the Cullens and Quileutes still hated each other. It could be said that they were extensions of a dysfunctional family. Yet the idea of Edward doing that to Bella still left him quite a bit angry. How could someone really be that stupid?

And now he was going to have to tell the whole sorry story to Nessie. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her, especially in her delicate state when it came to how her parents were doing. That was when Jacob mentally swatted himself. Oh come on, this isn't even close to being the same thing! It's not like their marriage is in trouble or anything. That'd be ridiculous! Yes, Jacob was actually trying to convince himself that Bella and Edward weren't going to fall apart. See, that was one of the things about imprinting; anything that upset the imprintee was going to be his worst nightmare. It'd be like discovering that the earth was going to explode tomorrow for any normal person.

He awaited her reaction, all but twiddling his thumbs from anxiety. Did he just make things worse? Damn his inability to act like everything was fine when it wasn't. If he was just a little more discrete and dishonest, he wouldn't have to explain this to her.

[Renesmee Cullen]

Nessie could sens esomething was really wrong when he hesitated to reply. Made a little nervous by this, she sat upright, crossing her legs and turning to face him. Their eyes met, and his wrods felt like a blow to the gut. What? No, that couldn't be right. She had to have heard wrong. Her parents were crazy for each other, why the hell would her father have left? Besides, was her mother supposed to have been the clumsiest thing on the face of the earth, with a knack for getting herself in trouble on top of it? That would've been the stupidest thing ever, to leave her to fend for herself. No, she had to have heard wrong.

But the look on Jacob's face, the utter seriousness with traces of anger in his eyes, told her she'd heard exactly right. Feeling a little dizzy, she sucked in a breath, trying to get a hold of herself. "No, neither of them have ever said anything..." she replied quietly, having to look away for a moment. This was completely unreal, and if she had to watch the emotions filtering through his eyes and across his face she felt certain she'd have cried again. What the hell was this? And why the hell hadn't either of her parents decided she needed to know about it? Taking a deep breath, she looked back up into Jacob's eyes, waiting for the rest of the story.

[Jacob Black]

The initial expression of denial and horror on Nessie's face broke Jacob's heart. "Nessie, I'm so sorry," he whispered after she finally managed to say that they had never told her this. It wasn't his place to even say a word about that horrible occurrence. Even if it brought him and Bella together, Jacob knew better than to be thankful for what happened. It hurt her, after all...perhaps back then, he had been selfish enough to be glad that Edward was gone, which was why he didn't want Bella to go get him, but not anymore. Instinctively, he placed a gentle hand on Nessie's face, apologizing with his eyes. Yet the tone of her voice let him know that now that it was too late to take it back, and that now she wanted to hear the whole story.

Jacob sighed. "Your mom and dad were seniors and...well, your Uncle Jasper went completely nuts when your mom got this papercut on her birthday, and Edward got it in his head that Bella wasn't safe with his family. He was probably right, but...he actually told your mom that he didn't love her, which was the biggest lie ever. He thought that she'd get over him, since he saw himself as a danger to her anyway...but Bella...Nessie, be glad that you didn't see what that did to your mom. It was the worst...she wasn't even crying...she was just kind of...not there. It probably would've stayed that way if I hadn't been there when she needed me...but she was still upset and missing him. I kind of brushed it off until..."

He trailed off then, because that was probably one of the most painful parts of the story. At least for him. God knows how many painful parts would be there if Bella were to tell the story. "She jumped, off of one of the cliffs by the reservation. She probably would have drowned if I hadn't saved her. And...she said that she just did it because whenever she was in trouble, she could hear Edward's voice. That was all she wanted...that was how much she was hurting. She would put herself into mortal danger just to imagine him." He exhaled heavily, not taking his eyes off of her and always apologizing. "Don't blame them for not telling you any of this. It probably hurts them a hell of a lot more than it hurts either one of us. Still...I shouldn't have mentioned it. I'm sorry Nessie."

[Renesmee Cullen]

What. The. Hell? Nessie couldn't remember ever being so confused. She could kind of understand her father's reasoning, but still! Why would he have done that? He had to have known that any kind of separation would've been agony for them both! If he lovd her mother so much, why would he have done that? Tears were streaming before Jake was halfway done, but she couldn't make him stop. Sometimes she hated her burning curiosity, as she had a feeling would happen later tonight when she was trying to sleep and couldn't stop thinking about this. She reached for his free hand without thinking about it, gripping it in both her own.

By the time he was finished, she'd all but curled into a ball in his lap, curved forward and tucked into his chest at an awkward yet comefortable angle. Her shoulder were shaking from silent tears, her own mental pictures probably ten times worse than what had actually happened. But, regardless, she could imagine what her mother must have looked like, what this must have done to her. No wonder they hardly let the other out of their site now. "Why would he have done that?" she asked in a whisper, not really wanting an answer but feeling like she needed to say something.