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Post by Ruth Hamilton on Nov 30, 2008 22:52:23 GMT -5
Ruth stared at the book she was holding in her hands, trying her best not to fall asleep. She had a big history test tommorow, and if she wanted to pass, she had to study...and hard. She hadn't been doing well in school latley, to her parent's dismay. She had been having thoughts latley that have been haunting her; immoral evil thoughts that have kept her up at night. They were thoughts of girls in her class; she would dream of kissing them, of holding them. It was terrifying...she stayed up all night last night in fear of the dreams she knew would come. She shouldn't be having these thoughts, it was because she was bad and she knew it; maybe this was her punishment for not working harder. She wished she could tell her parents about this, but they would freak, they would never love her knowing she was thinking these dreadful thoughts.
She was hoping that in the library, in the safety of the school, the thoughts couldn't catch her. Maybe she'd just look at the dull posters on the wall and just froget about them. Right now, however, she was more focused on keeping her eyes open.
"I'm going to fail," she said with a groan, putting the book down and putting her head in her hands. She was going to fail and her parents would hate her, all because of her stupid thoughts.
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Post by Renesmee Cullen on Dec 1, 2008 22:11:51 GMT -5
Nessie headed into the library after school, assuring her parents that she'd catch a ride from a friend when she was done studying and that everything would be alright. Really, it was irritating sometimes how much they worried about her. Most often, though, it was justified. While Forks seemed like a quiet little town that you'd miss if you blinked, more went on here than anyone realized. If she weren't careful, things could very easily end badly.
Today, however, danger wasn't written in her destiny. Studying, however, was. There was a massiv history test tomorrow that she was certain she'd bomb if she didn't try and study on her own. Not that she couldn't just ask her father for the answers, as he'd probably taken the exact test at least twice by now, but she felt more accomplished if she remembered the information herself. Heading into the eerily quiet library, she recognized one of the girls from her history class sitting along, attempting to study. With a smile, she headed over and sat down, cracking the textbook open.
"You cramming for the test too? Gah, I don't know how I'm gonna survive. This chapter went by in a blur."
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Post by Ruth Hamilton on Dec 1, 2008 22:52:57 GMT -5
Ruth looked up when she heard someone talking to her and instantly felt lost for words when she saw her. Nessie Cullen. Beautiful, lovely Nessie Cullen. She couldn't describe what she felt for her, but whenever Nessie walked into their history class, Ruth's heart stooped and she almost had to force herself to turn away, as not to look as if she was staring. Nessie was beautiful, no doubt about it. She was smart too, way smarter than her and kind and sweet. Of course, Ruth was too embarrassed to talk to her with these confusing thoughts in her mind.
"Ya," Ruth said with a small smile, "I seem to be having trouble concentrating latley..." she realized she probably should be making conversation or something to not make this incredibly awkward, "So, how are you?" She mentally slapped herself. What a dumb thing to say...though it wasn't as if she had much that would interest Nessie to say.
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Post by Renesmee Cullen on Dec 2, 2008 22:40:21 GMT -5
The silence that followed her greeting was a little awkward, but Nessie was used to awkward by this point in her life. When you lived with a house full of vampires, most of which were still very much like teenagers and ruled by their hormones, awkward was a way of life. She dug for her notes quickly, not wanting to seem rude or uninterested, but not wanting to let too much time go by without studying either. She really would be screwed if she didn't at least attempt to study for this test.
"I think we all do," Nessie replied when Ruth spoke, looking back up with a smile. "It's US History first thing in the morning. That's worse than having a math class first period. No one cares enough to pay attention, therefore we all cram the night before and fail the tests." Really, why teachers didn't understand this was mind-boggling. It wasn't that hard to grasp. "And I'm doing alright, thanks. Some issues at home, but nothing too out of the ordinary. And you?"
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Post by Ruth Hamilton on Dec 2, 2008 22:51:27 GMT -5
"I try to pay attention," Ruth said softly, "I've just...been tired lately," she said, wording it so their would be no hint that there was anything else. That was her fear really; someone finding out the real reason she was tired..she would be so ashamed.
"Oh," Ruth said, feeling sorry for Nessie. She knew about problems at home...she had them all the time it seemed. Her parents just never seemed to be happy with her. It was a bit...peaceful sitting here, not being criticized; she rather liked it. "I'm sorry," she said, "I'm good..." she said although at the moment her mind was whirling with confusing emotions.
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Post by Renesmee Cullen on Dec 5, 2008 22:49:41 GMT -5
"Oh! No," Nessie began, feeling horrible for what she'd implied. "I didn't mean you personally. I meant the class as a whole. I'm sorry." She bit on her lower lip, shifting a little in her chair. Geez, Nessie, way to go. You always were a smooth talker. She sighed quietly, looking down at her notes for a moment before looking back up with a small smile. "Yeah, I've been tired too. It gets hard juggling all this after awhile."
She shrugged gently at her reply, not really wanting to dwell on her parents' behavior. "It's no big deal, really. Could be worse. How're things with you?" Nessie'd always been a people person, and she wanted to have a wider circle of friends this time around. On her first trip through high school, she stuck with the same people all four years, and didn't really socialize much. That was going to change this year. What she'd forgotten was that she'd just asked that question not two minutes ago.
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Post by Ruth Hamilton on Dec 7, 2008 20:32:25 GMT -5
"No," Ruth said, not wanting to upset Nessie, "It's fine...I probabaly should pay attention more than I do. My parents aren't very happy with my grades," she said with a small sigh.
How she wished she could make her dreams go away, then she could get good grades, then she would please her parents. Though, when she looked at Nessie, her problems with her parents seemed so far away, as if it were only them. And when she said, "Besides that, things are fine," It was the truth, though she was confused on why she would feel this way.
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Post by Renesmee Cullen on Dec 7, 2008 21:24:51 GMT -5
Well, that sucked. "I'm sorry to hear that," Nessie replied, frowning gently. She'd never understood why grades were such a big deal. Test scores and ridiculous essays didn't prove anything about how smart a person was. Group discussion and participation were so much more benefcial. Sadly, school boards and colleges didn't seem to understand this. "Maybe they'll lighten up as the semester goes on?" She hoped so. She hated to see how stressed some kids got because of the pressure their parents put on them.
She smiled, however, at Ruth's reply. "That's good, at least. Pressure to bring your grades up is more than enough drama, I think." Smiling a moment more, she eventually felt the tiniest bit awkward and looked down to her book, reading about a half a page. Eventually, she gave up trying to make sense of it, rolling her eyes. "Do you understand any of this? it's all wars and battles and edicts. It makes absolutely no sense to me."
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Post by Ruth Hamilton on Dec 7, 2008 23:16:54 GMT -5
"No, it's fine," Ruth said, "I mean, they just want to make sure I go to college, that I don't fail" Even though she always did; she could just never please her parents it seemed. "Well, grades are important in every semester." She knew it'd always stay the same, they'd always expect perfect grades from her and she would always fail them.
She blushed as it began to get awkward and she didn't know what to say and was almost glad when Nessie opened her book to study. Ruth did as well, trying not to stare at Nessie, though she did once or twice.
Ruth stared a bit as Nessie asked her question; she couldn't help her, she knew, she didn't know much. Her grades were horrible and she knew she hadn't heard a word the teacher had said in class due to her own confusing thoughts. She looked into Nessie's eyes and suddenly thought she had the most beautiful brown eyes she had ever seen. She then looked at Nessie's book, trying to distract her with those thoughts. "What part doesn't make sense?" She still wanted to at least try to help even if she was sure she wouldn't be able to.
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Post by Renesmee Cullen on Dec 8, 2008 22:36:50 GMT -5
Nessie nodded, understanding that. Her parents had wanted her to go to college, for what reason she wasn't sure. It wouldn't really do her any good. It was likely she'd wind up back in Forks anyway; she couldn't bring herself to be away from Jacob for too long. Not only did he start to worry, she got anxious after awhile herself. She didn't like it. "I'm sure you won't fail, you're really smart. And college? Sure. You'll get in, no problem." She smiled gently before going back to her book.
Pushing the book at an angle where both she and Ruth could see, Nessie skimmed back over the page, chewing on her lower lip in thought. "Pretty much this whole deal with the French Revolution. Like, I kinda understand why the people revolted, but the length is what gets me. Why did it go on so long?" She knew she probably sounded pretty dumb, but it really didn't make sense. Why revolt for over a decade when you'd made your point after the first year of bloodshed?
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Post by Ruth Hamilton on Dec 8, 2008 22:43:45 GMT -5
Ruth blushed at Nessie's words. There was no way she could really mean that, Ruth wasn't that smart, after all, not at all. In yet, it made her heart feel warm to hear Nessie say that.
"Thanks," Ruth said, smiling up at Nessie, trying to hide her blush, "But...I'm not really that smart."
"Well," Ruth said, trying to think of words that sounded smart enough. She looked at the book, as to totally concentrate on that and not on Nessie. "I'm guessing maybe they felt like there was nothing else to do...I mean, you know, with nobility treating them so badly, I'm sure they felt pretty bad..." She looked up at Nessie again, hoping that didn't sound to incredibly stupid.
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Post by Renesmee Cullen on Dec 8, 2008 22:52:07 GMT -5
Nessie noticed the blush for a moment, but didn't think about it, chuckling a little at her reply. "Oh, of course you are. You've jsut hit a rough spot. Not everyone can be brilliant all the time. A good steady glow is better than random bursts of flame," she reasoned, trying to keep the girl from being so down in herself. It was rather sad to hear.
The light bulb seemed to click in her head as Ruth explained. "Ohh! Okay, I get it now. Yeah, I guess that would make sense, to wreak as much havoc as you can in payback. Kinda like the mindset of the anarchists, but a bit more tame. Okay. Thanks." She smiled at Ruth, then dug for the review packet they'd been giving, jotting down a few answers to questions here and there.
((Ick, sorry it's so short.))
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Post by Ruth Hamilton on Dec 9, 2008 0:06:34 GMT -5
['Tis ok.  ] "I'm not brilliant any of the time," Ruth said with a small smile. She was not brilliant; if she were brilliant she wouldn't fail all the time, if she were brilliant she could earn her parent's love. "Oh," Ruth said, her small growing bigger, "You're welcome. Glad I could help." And she really was; she almost felt just a tad bit smarter now that she knew she had helped Nessie. Maybe the history test wouldn't go so incredibly bad. She wished her parents could've seen her, they would've been pleased to know she wasn't a complete failure. |
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Post by Renesmee Cullen on Dec 10, 2008 22:08:38 GMT -5
"Don't talk that way," Nessie replied, frowning a little. She hated to hear people down themselves. "I'm sure there's something you're amazing at. Everyone's got their niche in life. Yours just may not necessarily be anything academic. Don't give up on yourself."
Nessie smiled back, nodding her head. Her eyes strayed back to her book, but her thoughts went in a different direction entirely. What was Jacob doing? It had been a few days since they'd talked, and she was getting a little nervous. She knew he got busy sometimes doing stuff with the pack, but usually he called her every day or so just to let her know he was still alive. He hadn't since Monday, and it was Thursday. Maybe she'd call him tonight, just to be sure... She bit absently at her lower lip, staring at the far wall.
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Post by Ruth Hamilton on Dec 10, 2008 22:21:00 GMT -5
It had better be academics, Ruth thought, Or my parents will have fit[./i] She smiled a bit at how nice Nessie was being to her. "Thanks," Ruth said, "For telling me that." Thought she wasn't certain of WHAT she could do that was so amazing. If not in academics, then what?
"It's just..." Ruth said, "I really would like to please my parents with at least some good grades."
"Are you alright?" Ruth asked when she saw Nessie seemed to be another place entirely. She might be just bored of this conversation, which would be fine, but..it seemed as if she wanted to be sure Nessie was ok.
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