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Post by Edward Cullen on Nov 26, 2008 22:06:30 GMT -5
At the moment, Edward was certain that he was going to completely lose his mind. And that was with a familiar melody he was playing on a piano. Life just seemed to be incredibly stressful at the moment, to be honest. With Charlie's disease, Bella was feeling miserable and it was bringing a strain in just about every conversation they had. Jasper couldn't stand to be around either one of them anymore, not that he could entirely blame him. He often underestimated what his brother had to endure. Edward just had to hear all of the thoughts. Jasper had to feel every emotion, which was sure to make someone go even madder than he could imagine. Was it any wonder why Jasper was often so quiet, unless he was in the company of his own family?
And as a result of that, Nessie was spending more time at Jacob's place. And he knew that that was the case. Even if he couldn't read her mind, he would have known. The two had been attached at the hip ever since Jacob first saw her. Now the moment that he had been dreading for eight years was coming closer. He knew that chances were slim to none for Nessie to eventually fall in love with Jacob. The more time she spent with Jacob, the more she knew him, and the more likely it was that any feelings she had for him were going to be incredibly permanent. Perhaps he was being ridiculous; he knew that Jacob wasn't nearly as bad as he had once thought. More importantly, he knew that he would probably treat Nessie with quite a bit of respect...yet the thought of Nessie being in love with anyone, even if that person was absolutely her soulmate according to the laws of nature, Edward found the very concept of her being in love terrifying.
So right now, he was playing the old lullaby, despite the fact that Bella wasn't currently in the living room. It was comforting, honestly. Things were actually easier back when he first wrote that, surprisingly enough. How on earth was that at all possible? Bella was no longer the fragile human who had taken his life and turned it upside down. Well, things couldn't stay completely peaceful for that long, he supposed. They had been lucky for a good amount of years. Perhaps they were so used to having to face imminent danger, they had forgotten monotonous life could be just as aggravating. He let out a sigh and continued playing. At least music made sense.
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Post by Bella Cullen on Nov 27, 2008 12:15:36 GMT -5
A familiar melody reached Bella's ears from downstairs. She had been up in her room, dwelling on the present. She felt responsible for the tension between her and Edward, and knew it forced the people they cared for the most around them to scatter. Everything was just happening to her at once. First her mom, and now, Charlie. She knew the others probably had to deal with such things as well, but none of them had actually stayed close with their real parents after being changed. They had all accepted they were different and that they were to cut any ties to their old life. Bella was different. She still had held tight to her parents and Jacob. Now that one was gone, and the other fading fast everything inside of her hurt.
Guilt raised inside of Bella, and she found herself walking down the stairs to see Edward sitting at the piano. His face was contorted differently than usual for playing that song, and it sent another pang of guilt throughout her body. She walked slowly over to him and ran her hand along his back as she move in a slow motion, taking a seat next to him on the bench. Her mind continued to wander as she listened to the melody. Where had they gone so wrong, this was the man she gave her own life up for, so why now were they so desperately clinging to past memories when things were easier. If anything Bella needed Edward, she needed his support, and she was well aware he would give it to her when she finally sucked up her pride and asked. "Edward..." Bella stopped herself and just looked at her husband full on in the face. What can I say, to make this right again?
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Post by Edward Cullen on Nov 27, 2008 13:26:39 GMT -5
Normally, Edward could sense Bella coming before she was even in the room. Sharpened senses could do that to you, after all. However, he was so wrapped up in playing that it wasn't until she was right behind him, with her hand on his back that he realized that she was there. His fingers froze on the keys before he turned around to face her, seeing that she had slipped onto the bench. "Bella," he responded, unable to stop his lips from twitching upward at the sight of her, even if he was feeling this way. Issues or not, she was still his soulmate. All the same, he found himself frowning again when he saw the look on her face. It wasn't the kind of anxiety and unhappiness that he had become almost accustomed to seeing. This was more like guilt. "What's wrong?"
As if he really needed to ask. He barely remembered his parents dying, as he was dying himself. He was, in a way, spared the anxiety of waiting for the inevitable to happen. By the time Carlisle got to him, they were both dead and there was so much going on that he barely had time to grieve. There was a time when he had thought that Bella was completely fortunate for being able to resist blood well enough to still be around the people she would have left behind. Now there was the catch of the simple fact that those people were mortal. He placed a hand on her cheek, searching her expression. What would she feel guilty about though? That was the question.
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Post by Bella Cullen on Nov 27, 2008 15:40:00 GMT -5
As he froze and looked to her Bella almost smiled, but she just couldn't. Her feelings were over powering even her and she was positive that if Jasper had been in the room he would be getting another one of those headaches her and Edward had been causing him. Yet another reason to feel guilty. The Cullen family had adopted her, so why was she causing them so many problems now? Even her own daughter, her flesh and blood, was avoiding her. The regret was thick in her voice as she spoke. "I feel terrible, Edward." Bella sucked in air, a human habit, to give herself a moment to form her words. For once she was ungrateful to her powers. Sure she could lift her shield and show Edward everything, but she wasn't in the mood.
After another moment Bella decided she was done fighting. At least for now, she had to be. She was ruining her daughters life, and her husbands, and the entire families. Even Alice hadn't been around of lately. "It's all my fault. All of it. Us fighting, pushing Nessie to Jacob, Jasper's never ending headaches, all of it. Just because I'm so stressed about Charlie. It just doesn't seem fair, but I should have no right to complain, Edward. I chose this life, and you, knowing full well the consequences. I felt lucky I could still keep contact with mom, and Charlie, but now it's causing problem." Another breath, "And really I shouldn't be fighting, not with you. You're the one person who can truly calm me, and I've just been pushing you away." Bella then searched Edward's eyes for a long moment enjoying the silence between them momentarily. "I'm sorry."
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Post by Edward Cullen on Nov 27, 2008 22:39:34 GMT -5
The minute the guilt stricken words fell from her lips, Edward felt his other hand going onto her face and he pulled her closer, just so he could hug her. He had missed being able to do that, without them fighting. Never in his life would he ever want Bella to feel guilty, but especially not now, when she was losing Charlie. Just because his grief for his biological parents were often overpowered didn't mean that the pain of losing them was never felt. Additionally, knowing her, she probably thought that he was regretting things. She always had a tendency to underestimate how strong his love for her was, even after all of these years.
For a while, he allowed her to talk. Edward found that he didn't always let her do that, which was horrible. He was the one who constantly wanted to know what she was thinking, yet there were times when he didn't even let her get a word in lately. It wasn't only unfair, it was hypocritical, something that he could never bear to think of himself as. So he simply stroked her hair and listened, finding himself feeling rather incredulous. There were certainly a number of things he wanted to apologize for. If anything, she had more of an excuse to feel stressed and angry. All he had were anxieties that he never knew before Nessie was born. She had to deal with losing her father.
"Bella, I can never blame you for feeling this way," he finally said after she finished her apologies. "Just because you chose this doesn't mean you're not entitled to feeling grief over this...no one's ever prepared for losing their parents." He pulled away, keeping her face cradled in his hands. To think that there was a time where he was worried sick about the possibility of crushing her with his bare hands if he wasn't careful. Despite the fact that he could no longer do that, she was still fragile in her own way. He couldn't allow himself to forget that, and how even the harshest words could hurt the one he loved. "I'm sorry I've been so impatient...from here on in, I'm here for you 24/7, just as I ought to be."
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Post by Bella Cullen on Nov 28, 2008 11:55:24 GMT -5
His comfort that surrounded her with him touching her calmed Bella greatly. It had felt like such a long time since she had once again been in Edward's arms. Bella inhaled his scent and felt memories rush back to her. The first was of them laying in the meadow together. She was well aware of what he was, and what she wasn't; yet he had fallen in love with her. Something she still couldn't always fathom. Human's were... nice, but she felt no attraction to any of them. Most likely because she already had her soul mate.
When he pulled her head to stare into her eyes she felt as if she would blush if she could. His apology was so sincere, just as hers had been. With his words she felt most of the guilt fade away and she settled down into his hands. His reassurance to support her, without even needing to ask for his help reminded Bella how much Edward did understand her. Before he could react Bella pushed Edward's hands aside and wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her head into his neck. Had she still been human she would have had tears streaking her face.
Through slow. tearless sobs Bella whispered a "thank you" that she knew Edward would understand for what. It was simple, yet complicated. For loving her, changing her, giving her her child, staying with her through all of these years, all of the troubles they've been through. For being there for her despite everything.
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Post by Edward Cullen on Nov 28, 2008 16:22:03 GMT -5
While Edward had not seen the embrace coming, he hardly objected to it. So that was it, thank goodness. It would have been wonderful were it not for his wife's tearless sobs. "Oh Bella," he whispered, kissing her on the top of her head after she thanked him. Somehow, he knew that she meant it for much more than his offer of support, which was very much the least he could do. "We've got to stop letting adversaty make us fight...it only makes matters worse..." Of course he was speaking more of his own part in the arguments. He wasn't nearly patient enough, he realized. He had to try...he had to be better for Bella.
Then he pulled away, keeping Bella at arm's length and smiling gently at her. "So...how are you feeling otherwise?" The last thing he wanted was for her to be feeling completely unhappy. That would be about as horrid as you could get.
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Post by Bella Cullen on Nov 29, 2008 12:51:10 GMT -5
She nodded in agreement as she took another breath. "Yes, I agree, no more fighting, Edward." Edward's movements were slow and loving as he pulled Bella out to arms length to look at her again. "I suppose. I'm feeling better now that I have talked to you, but I'm still so worried about so much. Charlie, and our daughter." Bella paused seeing a mirrored fear in Edward's eyes at the mention of their only daughter.
A small smile appeared on Bella's lips as she gently brushed her lips against Edward's. "I see that this is also a fear of yours? Come my love, play me a song while explaining your worries about Renesmee." Bella pulled herself completely away from Edward so his hands were free to play the piano. Hearing him play always seemed to calm her down.
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Post by Edward Cullen on Nov 29, 2008 22:17:06 GMT -5
Bella, thankfully, seemed soothed by his words. The last thing Edward wanted was for her to be in this perpetual state of stress and sadness, so anything to comfort her was more than welcome. But of course there were still going to be worries. At a time like this, that would be impossible to avoid. He let out a sigh at her words, brushing some of her dark hair out of her face. No matter how shaky things had been between him and Charlie Swan, Edward cared about his father in law. After all, he was important in Bella's life and he loved Nessie, possibly as much as he himself did. It was only natural for Edward to not hold it against him for having a few problems with him dating his only daughter, and now that he was in a similar situation, one could call them kindred spirits.
Which brought them to the latter subject. And it seemed that Bella could see right through him on that subject. It was far too fitting, honestly. She had always been far more observant than was convenient for the side of Edward that wanted to keep things to himself. All the same, perhaps it would be better to share his feelings without yelling. He kissed Bella back almost as if he were sighing. It was inevitable, and honestly, it would be far better for the both of them if he simply swallowed his pride and explained things to Bella. He offered her a weak smile and then turned so he could face the piano and began to play another one of their old favorites as he tried to figure out where to start.
After a few moments of just music between them, he finally spoke. "I think I'm gaining a new sympathy for your father, Bella..." he said gently, not wanting to bring up any bad feelings in regards to Charlie's illness. It just seemed like the best comparison. "I had been anticipating Nessie becoming closer and closer to Jacob since the day she was born and yet...it seems like the walls on closing in on me the more that she and Jacob spend time together. It feels like everyday is bringing me closer to seeing her give her entire heart to Jacob and...for some reason that I can't entirely figure out, that terrifies me."
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Post by Bella Cullen on Dec 11, 2008 0:37:04 GMT -5
With each passing moment Bella clung to Edward's emotions. She knew the turmoil he felt about there daughter, for she felt it as well. The both of them had risked their lives for her. Though so did Jacob, and she knew it. At one point she would have even trusted her couple month old baby's life in his hands completely. Although she didn't want to admit it, Jacob was the absolute best choice for her. He just wanted her happy, and he would NEVER harm her. Bella smirked at the thought, like he could.
Listening to Edward say his fears aloud confirmed all that she had known. So it was her. She continued to listen to him, and everything else around them. When had things turned so far upside down? "Well, we should stop driving her to him, for one." Bella smiled, and continued on, "But at least it IS Jacob, I have the same worries love believe me," Bella reached her hands out to Edward's face and turned him to look at her in the eyes. "I'm just as terrified to let her go as you are, Edward, but all the other parents in the world do it, and we will do..." She thought for a second. "When we absolutely have to."
Bella leaned in and kissed Edward again gently on the lips and smiled at him. "But like I said, let's stop pushing her more and more into Jacob's arms, and let's hold on to her just a little bit tighter, my love."
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Post by Edward Cullen on Dec 12, 2008 15:34:24 GMT -5
Edward was relieved and awed by Bella's patience and understanding of his completely irrational emotions. He was sure that she would at the very least be a little annoyed by this. Instead, the way she was talking, it seemed like she was feeling the exact same way. Sometimes it was still maddening to not be able to hear her thoughts without her letting down her shield. Thankfully, he couldn't have been more relieved when it seemed like she agreed with him, whether it was from her facial expression or from her words. "Absolutely..." he murmured, before the inevitable, torturous, and very true words came about. "I know, I know...hence why it's so irrational, what I'm feeling. These sorts of experiences...you can never fully imagine them. You can only experience them first hand."
He then let out a sigh, and continued playing as he spoke. "But you're right...out of everyone in the world, Jacob is the one I'm the least worried about if he and Nessie become a couple." As if there was any other option, of course. From what he understood about imprinting, it guaranteed that Nessie and Jacob were soulmates. No pressure or anything, he thought with the slightest bit of sarcasm. At least he wasn't alone in this...it was selfish, he knew. Who would want their wife to be in agony in regards to their daughter's future? Still, this wasn't something anyone should have to deal with alone. He nodded solemnly at her reality check, but then smiled after she kissed him. "That sounds like a fine idea, Bella."
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Post by Bella Cullen on Dec 13, 2008 2:57:29 GMT -5
The comfort of knowing Edward was behind her in every decision and emotional turmoil to arise made Bella relax and actually look at their situation. Sure, things were bad, but not as terrible as they could be. They've been through worse. What with her father and mother's lives in danger due to her when she had still been a weak a fragile human. Things were different, Charlie got to watch his granddaughter grow into a gorgeous girl, and Bella was able to share her life with him still. If anything, now that he WAS dying, there was nothing keeping her in Forks anymore. They could go to Alaska, start over for a little while. Then the pack came across her mind, or not. She knew Jacob would follow, and the pack wouldn't want to loose it's alpha.
Bella continued listening to Edward play the piano, and she stood. "Edward, let's go find our daughter." Bella reached her hand out to her husband. "A hunt as a family might show her that we're better."
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Post by Edward Cullen on Dec 14, 2008 17:52:49 GMT -5
For a few moments, he let himself get lost in Bella's presence and the song he was playing. Those were far better things to think about, and they were enough to put his life into perspective. In spite of the bad things that were happening, it wasn't any excuse to fly off the handle...they really weren't quite as bad, with the exception of Charlie dying. Yet they still had so many things to be thankful for. After all, Bella could have easily have had to cut off her relationship with her parents the minute she turned. It could almost be said that she had them on borrowed time as it was, and that this was to be expected. It was a callous man's way of thinking about it, however, and Edward wasn't about to do that. All he could say was that he was hoping that they would get through it all.
As the song came to a close, he saw that Bella stood up. He pulled away from the piano, facing her outstretched hand. At her suggestion, a smile crept up on his expression and he gladly took her hand before standing. "I think that's yet another one of your good ideas, Bella," he stated. "Perhaps she's on her way home already?" It was wishful thinking, but it really didn't matter either way. They'd find her soon enough.
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